Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
