I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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