I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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