Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
