I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
