Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I know her cup size but not her name....
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