where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
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I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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