Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
