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don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I want a musical about memes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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