new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize