No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize