I want to walk on stilts...naked
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
