went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
