She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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