Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
