did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
