My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
