Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
