I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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