dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
