Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
