Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
