Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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