honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
