What did we do last night that was yellow?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
