I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
