btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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