I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
