there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
