sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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