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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.

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• (415): View more from California

  The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?

  (718): View more from New York

  See you tonight.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.

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• (296): View more from

  just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night

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• (713): View more from Texas

  This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  That's a beautiful sentiment.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?

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