i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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