Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
