I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
