What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
