yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
