Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
