I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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