I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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