There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
