shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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