So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
