why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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