God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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