In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
