hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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