Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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