Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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