I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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