You're completely useless in the revolution.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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