I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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