and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
