don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
