haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
