I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
