whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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