So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
