your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
