I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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