I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
