My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
