If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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