Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
