Im at strip club and am horny
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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