he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
