Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
