I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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