I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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