We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
