There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
