What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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