someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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