So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
