I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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