I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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