Where are you?
In a non slutty way
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
how drunk are you?
Several
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
