I hate all girls vehemently.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
