omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize