Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
