I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
