is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
