Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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