Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
