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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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