You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My vagina is very pro this idea
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
