Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
